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Rishad's Journal

24th June, 2003. 12:43 am. Lucky in love....

Side 1 –

My parents have been married for 26 years. Before that – they dated for 3 years. For both of them, it was their first real relationship. Today after 29 years, they seem more in love with each other than I think they were when they got married. For example - they hold hands EVERYWHERE they go, my dad still buys mom a rose every time he passes this one particular flower boutique, there is constant verbal reminder of how much they love each other, they can read each others minds like they are one person. Not to mention, during our trip to Goa (a fantastic beach resort – more on that later) we stayed at the same hotel my folks lived in during their honeymoon, so you know there was tons of action going on there. It all sounds very cute right now, but believe me, when u’re living with it everyday – it tends to get a little revolting.

Part 2 –

Rohan and Lenora have been together for 3 years and last month decided that when they went to their respective homes they would talk to their parents about getting married. Rohan told me that there was no doubt in his mind that Lenora was the one for him and that he had never been more sure about anything else in his life. (without going into much detail) 5 weeks later – Lenora has kicked him out of their apartment, changed the locks, alerted the building security guard that Rohan might physically hurt her and has made her parents come live with her the first week Rohan came back to the US! All this over an email Rohan received by his ex-girlfriend. She never wants to speak to him, doesn’t want to listen to an explanation, she just wants him out of her life. And to think Rohan wanted to marry this woman. I tell you – you find out so much about a person during the bad times, its shocking sometimes.

I guess the saying is true -you do have to be lucky in love. I think mom says is best – finding someone is only half the battle – fighting to stay together is the other. Some people stay together b’coz its convenient, some people stay together b’coz of their kids, some people stay together b’coz they like the idea of having someone and being there for someone. I have never been in a relationship deep/long enough to really know what being in love feels like. Or maybe after seeing my parent’s relationship, the bar has been set too high for me. Who knows? I just hope I am lucky enough to find my “piece in the puzzle” (Ruben’s analogy – made more sense when he said it!)

Current mood: busy.

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8th June, 2003. 3:20 am. I found one~!!!

Acha -

Being my last Saturday night in Cal for 2 weeks, I decided that I was going to make a night of it. Started with going to a friends house for dinner (Rinita - the chick who invited me over to spent the night {read prevous entry for details}) When I got there, there were only 3 of us there, so we decided to start the party early. Dont know how it came up but we started talking about this guy who was coming to the party who they all thought was gay.

So being the good gay guy that I am, thought it would be a good idea to see if I could out him!! By the time he comes, I am pretty f-ing drunk. Anyways I pour him a really strong drink and start a conversation with him. I find out that our parents have known each other for many many years and as kids we used to hang out together. WEll I used to hang out with his older brother - this kid is like 16. Moving on - this kid (Nikhil) is getting pretty drunk really quickly, so I start talking about my life in the US and where I hang out and who I hang out with, basically steering the conversation towards homosexuality.

But he seems very uninterested and we talk about other things. I think to myslef - ok so I've always had bad gaydar - whats new. But this guy is totally fem., has all the traits of a budding homo, is totally annarexsic (sp?) and is paranoid about the way he looks. I mean come on - this kid is a carbon copy of that faggoty fairy (the guy who Craig, Rube and I saw at Parks mall - he works there at Banana - John A's friend) so i think my gaydar cant be that off!!!

And it wasn't. Later on, he goes and asks someone if I was gay and they said yes. After that, everytime we were talking as a group, he passes some comment about me, trying to provoke me into saying something back to him. After the drinking at my friends place, we go to a club, where he decides he wants to hold on of the girls purses (it goes with his shirt - he says) On the dance floor he starts dancing with me. By now I am totally smashed out of my mind and I think to myself, if I let this contiue I am going to end up making out with him. And he is only 16 and not even out. So i grab him and take him out of the club where I sit him down and ask him point blank if he is gay - AND HE SAYS YES!!!!!!

But he is really scared of his parents finding out, his brothers, etc. but he is really comfortable around the girls blah blah blah. Anyways we talk forever and I tell him if he ever needs to talk, he can just call/email me. So basically, I am really proud that I didn't jump his bones and decided to just talk 'coz I think he really needed someone to talk to. So I FINALLY OUTED SOMEONE!! I am so kicked! And he's indian, but has a lot of acne, but look whos talking hahahah!!

So that was my eventful night. Tomorrow evening I am off to B'bay for 2 weeks, and I have a ton of shit to take care off before I leave so I better go to sleep soon, my head is hurting from all that alcohol!

Good night all, I will see u whern I see u, I will speak to u when I speak to u... Im not going to try to keep in touch anymore!

Current mood: drunk.

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6th June, 2003. 10:11 am. cell phones on!

::WARNING:: ::WARNING::

I will be calling your sleepy asses sometime your Friday morning, so please have all phones on! I leave for B'bay on Sunday for 2 weeks and would like to talk to you hefers before then!!

Current mood: full.

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5th June, 2003. 12:41 am. was I bad?

Hey all,

So I tried calling everyone of you this evening, some of you even twice - BUT as always I get everyone’s answering machines. (except Craig - Im so sorry - for the life of me I couldn't remember your cell number, and I didn't have my phone on me.) Never again do I want to hear that I am not a good friend for not keeping in touch - 'coz so far all the effort has come from this end. Anyways - you are lucky that I was with a really awesome friend, who always manages to keep me in a good mood, else this journal would have been a lot more bitchy!!

Besides, the reason I went out for dinner was b'coz Rohan was having his friends over for a drinking session and some dinner. And I have seen Rohan and his friend’s drunk - and believe me - you will never see a group of people as annoying as Rohan and his friends when they are drunk. Anyways I come home by midnight (thinking they would be finished with their drinks and would be at a club - as per plan) but nooooo - they were there in full force, as drunk and as annoying as ever.

Now Im at the computer and this is taking me forever to type b'coz these damn people keep coming in and telling me to join them!! I just hope they dont throw up anywhere - 'coz Im not going to be the sober cleaner uper - take care of everyone - Mr nice younger bother!! Although - I am really worried about Rohan - I saw him chugging whiskey straight out of the decanter. I have never seen anyone else do that except Austin Dickson - and we all know what a boozer he is!! And I honestly think Rohan has a problem with alcohol - he never seems to know when is enough. And besides, he becomes a real bhenchod when he is drunk.

I really feel like I should be out there taking care of them. They are now planning on going to the clubs - and want me to drive them there. And even though they are in no position to be driving - I simply refuse to drive them around the city. But God - if anything ever happens to anyone of them - I will never forgive myself! Anyways they have left - there is not much I can do about it.

Moving onto happier thoughts - having a blast with my parents and Rohan. In fact Ro just got his US visa renewed for another 5 yrs, so he doesn't have to worry about anything for at least the next 5 yrs, and by then, they way things are looking, he will be married to Lenora. In the mean time my mother has promised to look out for a nice Parsi boy for me. Here’s hoping she finds one soon!

Ok - Im going to call Ro to see if he is ok! Talk to you cats later (if you ever pick up your phones!!!)

Current mood: anxious.

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1st June, 2003. 3:26 am. Need help!

Hey all -

I am trying to get a free number so Loni can get onto this livejournal thingy. Mel tried to explain to me how I need to get her a number but I cant seem to find it. So if any of you know how to get another person onto the live journal thing for free - PLEASE let me know! And if you have a free number to spare - be generous - because god only rewards those who have rewarded other (if that makes sense)

So now that you have the fear of God in your heart - go look for a way to get my friend on this live journal thing. Believe me, Loni's journal will be muy interesting to read! She knows how to break it down! lol!

Current mood: okay.

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29th May, 2003. 7:59 pm. The good, the bad and the ugly!!

First the good news - just found out that there is a place I can go to call the US for Rs 7 a minute! That’s like 25 cents!! Otherwise it’s like Rs 30 if I call from home! So expect calls sometime soon as I plan on calling everyone just to say hi! Also went shopping today with Ro and mom – Ro got some great stuff for his apt while I looked for ideas for my new room! Also – we (Ro and I) were talking about stuff we are taking back for friends and cant think of anything in particular! So if you guys want something spesific – let me know – would make my life a lot easier! (Loni – found a bag for u but it was much bigger than your older one and the strap wasn’t as long – but otherwise it was the same kind of design and a lot of blue)

Then the bad news - I have been sick as a dog b'coz my stomach has decided to give up on me (too many mango's and too much overeating!) Also today was the hottest day of the yr with the max temp reaching 40 C (or 100+ F) and the humidity was at 92%. So basically I could be watching TV ands still be sweating! And that’s not all. These fucking begali's decide that they want to repair some cable fault so we had NO electricity for 2 days! I was ready to jump out my window!

And now for the ugly - well there is no ugly as such! My face is a mess - broken out completely, the heat and the mango's I say! Oh and talking about ugly - my turds (the pieces of my shit - incase u needed clarification on the term "turd") are just too wacky for words! They look like they have hair on them! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Im sorry - but this is funny! And they arn't really solid - sort of semi solid, but they curl and look a little fuzzy! I think its all the fiber from the mango's! Also while we are on the subject - I can no longer distinguish between when I am going to fart and when Im going to shit! So now Im real careful not to push too hard unless Im on the potty!

Ok sorry if that was too graphic - but you guys know how much I like to fart/burp/shit! And if I cant talk to my friends about it - who can I?? NA??

Ok now Im off - think about what you want to talk about when I call - 'coz these calls are going to be real short and sweet! I have too many people to call and not that much money left!

Acha - love to all!

Current mood: want to shit.

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27th May, 2003. 12:58 pm. ohhh - that was close!

Ok so check this shit out!! haha...

After days of avoiding my friends, I finally go out with a bunch of my childhood pals (and their "new" friends) for dinner! So the place we went to was packed and there was a 20 minute wait for a table. In the meantime, we decide to go back to our cars and wait there. The next thing I know, 3 joints have been lit and are being passed around! And incase anyone didn't know - I am a total lightweight when it comes to weed, so I needed like 4 drags and I was good to go!

So by the time we get into the restaurant, everyone is pretty stoned and is laughing their guts out. I don’t know how - but we managed to order with a straight face (which was good 'coz we all had the munchies big time!)

You know how it is when u have a lot of people at one long table, you only tend to talk to the ones nearest to you right? So nexto me was this girl, Rinita. Now Rinita and I have a history - she was the only girl I ever made out with while still going out with Archana. Actually, Archana and I were on one of our "breaks" when Rinita and I went out. So anyways back to last night. Basically I had Rinita sitting nexto me and there were my 2 other friends opposite us, and the 4 of us were having a gala time catching up! And every time we laughed, (which we did alot) Rinita would squeeze my thigh.

Now I dont know about you guys, but when Im high, I tend to notice every small thing happening around me, and with all that squeezing, my dirty mind was thinking that I am going to end up making out with her. And then I kept thinking what if you guys (froggie gang) were there - what a hoot that would be and then I thought of Archana and how pissed she would be and I just couldn't stop laughing!! It was crazy!

So anyways, after dinner we decided to go to our friends place and call sprits (ghosts) while taking vodka shots. Calling spirits has never been so much fun, but isn't everything fun when u're high? To cut a long story short - there was some heavy petting, holding hands, knee rubs going on between the 2 of us! And when everyone was heading home, Rinita asked me if I wanted to spend the night with her (her parents were out of town) BUT THANK GOD I was sober enough to say no. I made up some lame excuse about having an early doctors appointment!

So worry not - I am still gay as ever. I dont know why this happens? I mean I am 100% sure I DO NOT LIKE girls that way - but when Im drunk/stoned I dont trust myself! Chalk it up to being adventurous, or just plain horny! I think its more than that. If Im with herto's I tend to act like one! And u cant blame me, Rinita is a short, chubby chick with a lot of spunk and a great smile.

Oh well - I guess I should think last night actions and what they mean, but why stress when u're having so much fun right? Hope all is well in the west!

Current mood: mischievous.

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23rd May, 2003. 12:26 am. "Love is a many splendored thing, Love lifts us up where we belong, All you need is Love"

You know its funny the way relationships work. I always thought is was as simple as meeting the right man/woman, knowing that they were the one and living happily ever after. The toughest past, I thought, was finding that right person. How naive am I??

In the last few weeks I have noticed that several people I know have met that right person (or gotten damn close to it) but for some reason or the other it hasn't worked out. And for the life of me, I dont get it. If you know that this is the right person, then why let him/her go? If I were to find that someone, I imagine myself holding on and never giving up! But then again, I am yet to meet that special someone, so maybe I should leave myself out of this!

My dad never dated anyone besides my mom, how did he know she was the one without seeing what else the world has to offer? Melissa's (indian friend) dad dated half the world before he met his wife - how did he know out of the thousands of women, she was the one? I have friends who have been lucky to find true love at this young age, but for some reason or the other gave up on it, not because the love died out, but because physical distance proved too much.

Another friend of mine said she thought she found true love, but never persued it. Now she is 48 yrs old and is still single. Another friend says he has found true love, but cant do anything about it b'coz his family wouldn't accept this girl he is in love with, so he has no choice but to let go.
Which leads me to belive that you can fall in love with the right person, but not always end up with them, which leads me my question of how do you know who is the one you let go off and who is the one you continue fighting for? Is there more than one person out there for us? Are there people who will win different levels of your love?

If this doesn't make sense - join the club!

Current mood: contemplative.

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21st May, 2003. 11:46 am. Im tired of this

Ok so I fight with my brother EVERY morning to see who gets to use the comp - and whenever I get to use the comp - you guys are never on! (except Schwab)

today I have been on for 4 hours straight and NOONE has been on - not my indian friends nor my american friends. WHASSUP?? The time difference is very simple - you add 12 hrs and take away 1 1/2 hrs from that. I am ahead of you so when its the 21st night there is the 22nd morning here. And I try and get on u're time at night but noone is online! I AM PISSED OFF!!

No pyaar for anyone of you!

Rishad

Current mood: annoyed.

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20th May, 2003. 10:37 am. Come on people - work with me!!

So its been 2 days since I downloaded AIM and the only person I have spoken to is Ashley Shwab. ANyways I am sitting online waiting for someone to come online - but so far NOTHING! Read everyones journal and commented where I thought appropriate - have a lot more to say to some people but will refrain as its not my business, besides I tend to get partial.

Anyways so I backed out from meeting any of my friends yesterday - i was supposed to meet up with 3 of them but decided against it. I am just not upto doing the whole "OH my god - I haven't seen you in forever - tell me all about your life!!" routine. Good thing Ro feels the same way - so we just hang out together - its really nice to just be with family but I know eventually I have to get out there and meet those friends of mine - not that I dont want to - I just dont want to be pressured into meeting them - just sort of ease into it.

Will have the pics I took of us the last time - so I will try and scan some of the good ones! Oh also - my dad called me a queer and then asked me if it was the "appropriate" word to be using. I said I didn't care as long as it wasn't in a harsh way! But its the first time my dad has called me that. He hasn't even called me gay before - we always talk about it - but he never uses the actual lingo!

Anyways, so me and Ro have been dying for some fruit yogurt and its not avalible ANYWHERE in this city. Mom thinks we have turned into total ABCD's - drinking bottled water instead of regular water. But what to do - you tend to get used to the finer things in life. Archana thinks Im acting like a skirt (gay term for someone acting fem) Dont know if I like her knowing my gay lingo than I do! But I do get on her case for not being as involved in the gay community as she should.

Speaking of finer things in life - the facial lady and the massage man are coming on Saturday - so thats going to be my day of luxury.

Ok have alot more to say - but it all seems so trivial right now. Just want you guys to know that I love you all very much. (someone tel Loni too) and miss not being there!

Pyaar....Rishad

Current mood: hot.

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